Tonight we went to a 40th birthday party for one of Ward/Mike/Heathcliff’s friends from college. This friend has the most wonderful mother in the world. After I had my first miscarriage and unexpectedly burst into tears at her grandchild’s bris, she followed me out to the deck, gave me a warm embrace and assured me I’d have a baby of my own someday. But what she reminded me of tonight is that she told me that I should go home. What a beautiful and kind thing to say. Because that is what I needed to do, and that was the best thing for my hurting heart.
After all that I have been through, I have still been conscious of doing the “right thing”, the unselfish thing. I have my good days and my bad days.
Sometimes I have to send a gift to a baby shower and make up an excuse of why I can’t attend. Because I can’t bear to.
Last week, I was chomping at the bit to get to hold my friend’s new baby girl less than 24 hours after she entered the world. Because I wanted to. It felt right.
Sometimes you have to protect yourself. And the kindest, most wonderful people are the ones who allow you to do just that.
